The Awesome Lock Show
by Jewelled-.-Manga
Summary: This is a podcast by Halloween's finest trick-or-treaters. Kinda crappy but I'm trying my best lol.
1. Space Monkey

Space Monkey

 **A/N: This is the first part of a parody series of The Ricky Gervais Show (btw I've added extra parts in to develop the characters). I do not own The Ricky Gervais Show, which belongs to Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington, and I do not own Lock, Shock and Barrel or The Nightmare before Christmas, which belongs to Tim Burton. Please bear this in mind for the rest of the series, as I really can't be asked to put it in every chapter. Basically: I own nothing but the parody, and there are unfortunately no space monkeys involved in this story. I'm using the original name so if you want to listen to the podacst and compare, you can. Sorry for OOC and how ****ing awful this is, but I hope you enjoy.**

Announcer: For the past few years, Lock, Shock and Barrel have been having a series of pointless -and stupid- conversations. This is one of them.

Shock: Is the sound working?

Lock: Nothing works here! We aren't getting paid!

Shock: Whatever! This podcast is only gonna work because I'm here!

Barrel: Sure it is...

Lock: Shut up you two. Hello and welcome to "The Awesome Lock Show" with me, the handsome and flawless Lock, my idiotic cohort Shock-

Shock: Shut up or you'll get an axe to the face.

Lock: -and the little round-headed moron that is Barrel.

Barrel: Why am I here again?

Lock: Now you probably know me from such works as "The Nightmare before Christmas", Shock being a character in that movie too. For the idiots who are not so aware of Barrel... I don't blame you. He's a stupid little gimp who just stares at us and grins like an idiot. You're probably all thinking "Oh, Lock, why are you doing a podcast if you hate Shock and Barrel so much?", well the answer is that I'm getting paid, but they aren't.

Barrel: What?!

Lock: Whatever, let's just get on with this stupid show. Shock, what do you have to say?

Shock: Uh... y'know some humans go and help chimps.

Barrel: They do?

Shock: Yeah.

Lock: They go to those massive forests full of dangerous animals and stuff.

Shock: Then they sort out the dying species, make sure that aren't all dead and such.

Lock: Dian Fossey, I believe. Who knows, who cares. You know, Barrel, you're like the Dian Fossey of the Halloween Town scene.

Shock: Of the stupid little ghoul scene.

Lock: And Barrel is, uh, he's... he's an ongoing experiment for me, because I've seen him turn from an idiot into an complete moron. I want to see it through.

Barrel: Huh? What are you on about?

Shock: Look at the way he's just staring at us.

Lock: Look at that- he's got a stupid face on his perfectly round head, and that's one of the reasons why I'm doing this podcast.

Shock: Barrel, what do you think about all this?

Barrel: Um, it's just, I mean, we are living in that time now, aren't we? At least, the humans in the real world are, this is gonna be put on a cassete... anyway, like, the humans can listen to stuff on demand when they want to listen to stuff. It's weird, their music.

Shock: No, you're weird.

Lock: You're not a fan of the ipod in general, are you? Or any of the mp3 things? You think it's strange, but it's only because you live in a town where we only owna TV that only plays in black and white, like something out of a 1950's show.

Barrel: Uh, I don't think the mp3's that bad, but-

Shock: This is what's amazing about Barrel. Even though he's talking about things like mp3 players, computers, ipods, all this technology that humans have, he still sounds like he was found in a glacier and thawed out. Do you get what I mean, Lock? He's like some sort of caveman.

Lock: We're a couple of teenagers who found him and we're trying to pass him off as someone from the modern day.

Shock: Yeah! He is a complete mystery, if I'm honest. He's not like any other ghoul I've ever seen, he looks completely stupid, and I found him poking a dead bird the other day and asking it to cook itself.

Lock: Really? You really are more strange than we give you credit for, Barrel.

Barrel: No, but my thing with ipods is do the humans really need them? Do you know what I mean? They're living in the era now where they've invented pretty much everything they need, and now they're just messing about.

Shock: But Barrel.

Barrel: Yeah?

Shock: They don't have singing ghosts in their towns.

Lock: Shut up, pay attention to me. Did you know someone actually said, "everything that's gonna be invented has already been invented." They said that in 1900.

Shock: Oh, don't you start...

Lock: And how wrong were they? But guess what was invented in that year where they went, "right, that's it now"? It was in the 20th century. Think what happened in the 20th century.

Barrel: Go on.

Lock: Planes.

Shock: This hurts to listen to...

Barrel: Yeah, but are planes a good thing? Do the humans need planes, really? Wouldn't it have been better if they all stuck where they should be instead of traveling about?

Shock: Yes, but you're saying that because you're too lazy to walk to the kitchen if you're hungry in the middle of the night, even though your room is right next to the kitchen.

Lock: You don't travel anywhere.

Barrel: I hate you guys so much... anyway, they've got planes because of their wars. Look, wars are happening, right? Because everyone's saying, "well, now we can fly, we'll go over there."

Shock: So there were no wars prior to the invention of the airplane?

Barrel: Not like there is today.

Lock: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say, this is utter crap.

Shock: Let him finish!

Barrel: Right, what I'm saying is... the world's got smaller, isn't it? Everyone's saying that, right?

Lock: Yeah. Although I don't know because I only go out there once a year and I've never seen a map of it.

Barrel: Well, you know what I saying to you the other day, uh, you know, the humans now go to places where they shouldn't go.

Lock: Yeah, go on.

Barrel: Humans go travelling to places where they've gotta have injections before they go. Forget it, that's a warning not to go there.

Lock: Don't go there.

Shock: I'm with you on that. I mean, I don't care if humans die, but I wouldn't go somewhere that could kill me. I don't want to go somewhere if I have to have an injection so I don't die while I'm in that country.

Lock: I totally agree with you on that. For once I agree with you.

Barrel: So anyway, what happened is... uh... so they invented the plane and they're like, "let's go somewhere new." Then they go, "oh, we're dying now. We've gotta invent something, let's invent an injection."

Shock: I don't think that's what happened.

Lock: Shut up, moron! Let him finish!

Barrel: But then they're wondering, "well, what else do we need to go to that place?" It's a waste of time.

Lock: So what you're saying is-

Shock: So you think travel is a waste of time?

Barrel: Yeah.

Shock: I've been to dangerous places, and it was fascinating.

Lock: Where? Where have you been?

Shock: London. Lot more risky than it looks.

Barrel: But why? Why go to London when you can stay here?

Shock: Because it's fascinating, isn't it? Do you not believe that travel makes you think? You could do with traveling, you stupid little idiot.

Lock: Sorry, but there's no way you've been to London, Shock. We only go to the real world on Halloween to go trick-or-treating, so Barrel and I would've been there. You're talking crap again.

Shock: Are you trying to start a fight?

Lock: *unintelligible screaming*

Shock: *unintelligible screaming*

Barrel: I think they've broken the mikes. May as well steal their candy whilst they're fighting, then this stupid podcast can end...

 **I would like to thank Trilliumwoods for inspiring me to write this, her stories are incredible and have helped me a great deal with improving my writing skills. Thank you! I will hopefully have the next chapter up soon but no promises. Remember: I'm not doing full episodes as this alone took me six hours.**


	2. Knob at Night

Knob at Night

 **A/N: Fortunately there will not be a single knob at night in the chapter, it's simply the title of the original episode. I own nothing but the idea, all characters and material belong to their original owners.**

Announcer: For the past few years, Lock, Shock and Barrel have been having a series of pointless –and stupid- conversations. This is one of them.

Shock: Who is that man and why is he narrating our show?

Lock: MY show, thank you very much. I don't see your name in the title.

Shock: Well it should be!

Barrel: I have been dragged out of bed at sunrise to record this. I did not want this. I wanted to sleep. As I can't, I demand this finishes soon. Get on with it and say something.

Lock: Fine. Shock, you're the one in charge of the fan letters. What do we have?

Shock: We have two. One of them is just terrible, and the other, you'll be pleased to know, is a report from the human world.

Barrel: Don't care...

Lock: Humans? Do tell.

Shock: It's a newspaper headline, saying "Lion mutilates 42 midgets in Cambodian ring fight."

Barrel: What's a Cambodian?

Lock: 42 people? Mauled by a lion? That's a hell of a headline, I wanna know more now.

Shock: "Spectators cheered as the entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against an African Lion. Tickets were sold out three weeks before the much-anticipated fight,. The fight was organised after an angry fan contested Yang Shinimoni, the president of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters."

Lock: Hold on a sec. What maniac is going around organising fights between midgets and lions?

Barrel: Apparently a very determined one, it happened didn't it?

Lock: True. So what happened to the midgets?

Shock: It says "The fight was ended after only twelve minutes, after which 28 of the midget fighters were declared dead, and the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs." Basically, they couldn't fight back.

Lock: The lion was ok, right?

Shock: It appears the lion was unharmed, yes.

Lock: Okay, good.

Barrel: So we're just going to ignore the fact that 28 midgets died?

Shock: Yes.

Barrel: Oh.

Lock: Well, that was amazing. A lion versus 42 Cambodian midgets. What a story.

Shock: Barrel, what are your thoughts on this? Your tiny brain must be able to formulate an opinion on this.

Barrel: It was stupid. Why would you agree to fight a lion?

Lock: You're just jealous because you wanted to eat it.

Barrel: Yeah.

Shock: The lion or the midget fighting league?

 **This was a lot shorter than the last chapter, and I apologise for that, but what is discussed next is something that the trio would have no interest in doing/discussing. I will try and make the next chapter longer, thank you to anyone reading this story, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)**


	3. Charity

**A/N: As per usual, I own nothing, all characters and the Ricky Gervais show belong to their rightful owners. I apologise for the long wait (even though barely anyone reads this) but I hope you enjoy it!**

...

...

...

Barrel: Uh, where's that annoying narrator that Shock hates?

Lock: Oh yeah, bad news. Because of a lack of pay, even though the contract says its free work, the narrator quit and he might sue us, whatever that means.

Shock: What?! I'm gonna beat the crap outta him! Why, I oughta- *unintelligible shouting and cursing*

Barrel: Shock, what are you doing? I don't this this call for a crossbow and a broom. And... dynamite.

Shock: I'm gonna go hunt down that Narrator. Now I'm off on a scouting mission. Don't die, and if you do, do it quietly and don't make a mess.

Barrel: Did she just quit?

Lock: Nah, she'll be back. We're raking in like $2 an episode, she ain't going to miss out on the riches I'm providing us with.

Barrel: That is until we get our funding pulled.

Lock: Huh? What?

Barrel: Nothing...

Lock: Okay... anyway, welcome to the Awesome Lock Show, with the truly greatest person of all time, Lock, and... Barrel.

Barrel: Yeah, Shock isn't here this time. I think she's gone crazy.

Lock: Shut up and entertain me as best you can. We might get $3 this week, so you better think up some quality stuff.

Barrel: Uh, ok... So, you know the other week when I came up with like a different idea of how the humans can sort of make the world run?

Lock: Could we just have a quick recap of that? I seem to remember it was a load of old arse. It was ridiculous.

Barrel: Was not.

Lock: It was. So, um... you were saying that the world is overpopulated. So the system would be... what, people were living too long and stuff?

Barrel: Right. So what happens is, humans live till 78-

Lock: I have no idea how you can enforce that.

Barrel: -But when they die, they've got a human spawn in their stomach, kinda like a seed in an apple That then carries on when they die. What do you think?

Lock: ...

Barrel: So?

Lock: That wasn't a theory. That wasn't an idea. That was the ramblings of a mental case.

Barrel: You're saying it's stupid, but someone's letter said, "oh, yeah, that's pretty good." Just saying.

Lock: No they didn't. Anyway, go on. It won't work and it's stupid like you, but go on.

Barrel: What about If we do it the other way, right?

Lock: No! Oh my- oh, Barrel... you can't go around changing up human organs!

Barrel: Caitlyn Jenner changed hers.

Lock: Not the same kind of organ changing. We're talking about completely different things. You're talking about reprogramming the life cycle of a entire species, then referencing Caitlyn Jenner's gender change. You're an idiot.

Barrel: Anyway, you're missing my point. Wanna hear it?

Lock: Sure, unfortunately I have nothing else to do.

Barrel: Ok, so if somehow-

Lock: Somehow, haven't even thought it through. Moron.

Barrel: -we can inject something in a body that's just died, right? Listen to this. So, we got this formul- formala- medicine thingy.

Lock: Right...

Barrel: So you inject it in the temple-

Lock: So you know what the temple is but not how to say "formula"?

Barrel: So you inject it in this human corpse.

Lock: Then what happens?

Barrel: She wakes up.

Lock: Riveting storytelling there.

Barrel: And she works the other way. So she might be 77 and then she'll have a birthday, she's 76. And she's working that way, if you know what I mean.

Lock: Okay.

Barrel: Are you with me? Because you look confused.

Lock: I'm scared. I'm really scared. This is the maddest thing you've ever said. This is madder than the time you made a theory that sharks could use their fins to fly. You scare me sometimes, I fear for your intelligence.

Barrel: The shark thing might've worked...

Lock: This is- this- No, it wouldn't work. It worked in your head, moron. It's like a dream that you wake up and go "I've got a great theory".

Barrel: Let me just tell you the ending, the ending works out a bit better-

Shock: I'm back! I got us some squirrels!

Lock: I never thought I'd be happy to see your ugly face!

*static*

Barrel: This is Barrel, speaking with the last surviving microphone. Shock has begun to attack Lock, please, if you're hearing this, send help... and a bag of candy. And... and some waffles.

 **Crappy as per usual, but this is my current contribution to society.**


	4. Barrel's Cat

**A/N: Wow, sorry for the long break! I sort of forgot about this series for awhile, but I'm back! From now on, this will not be following the Ricky Gervais show, instead it will be the insane ramblings of Yours Truly through the trio lol.**

 **I'd like to take a moment to clarify that this is set when the trio is in their early to mid teens, just because I don't think their mannerisms and discussions would suit them at their canon ages XD some swearing in this chapter, but hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 4: Barrel's Cat

Lock: Shock, please come out of the war room and come do the show!

Shock: ...but I gotta go kill our old narrator! There can't be any survivors!

Lock: Well we won't be survivors either if you don't come and talk this week!

Barrel: I fear for my safety around you two.

Lock: Shut up.

Shock: Fine. But I'm making an attack tonight.

Lock: I don't care. I've got a complaint against Barrel.

Barrel: Me!? What did I do?

Lock: Not you, your bloody cat!

Barrel: What's wrong with my cat?

Shock: He hates the cat, Barrel. I forgot you don't understand subtlety..

Barrel: Why does he hate my cat? My cat's cool!

Lock: Ok yeah, the cat's kind of cool, but whenever I walk in the room it goes straight for my crotch with it's claws!

Shock: Why would anyone want to go near your crotch? Barrel, you have a weird cat.

Lock: It's like you in that aspect.

Barrel: What? My cat's not weird, he just hates you.

Lock: Exactly, he's weird! Who doesn't like me? The great and lovable Lock!

Shock: I can name a few to start...

Barrel: I got some fan mail regarding my cat.

Lock: We're wracked with anticipation.

Barrel: Ok, I'll tell you. "Barrel, your cat is amazing. I want to steal him, he's so cute!"

Lock: ...

Shock: ...

Barrel: You can't have my fucking cat.

Lock: I don't know how to continue after hearing that.

Shock: I don't want to continue.

Barrel: Well, there's some mail about him you'll like, Lock.

Lock: The suspense is killing me.

Barrel: "Barrel, I hate your cat. He's a little turd and he murdered my ferret."

Lock: I hate your cat too.

Barrel: Why does everyone hate my cat!?

Shock: What did you even name your cat, you've had it for over month and I still haven't heard it's name.

Barrel: He's called "Total and complete bastard".

Lock: Fitting.

Barrel: "ASLEF" for short.

Shock: How the hell did you get "ASLEF" from "Total and complete bastard"?

Lock: The mind of Barrel works in mysterious ways.

 **Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!**!


	5. The Slightly-above-average Barrel Show

Chapter 5: The Slightly-above-average Barrel Show

Hey! Hi! It's Barrel here! Lock and Shock aren't here, Shock's gone to go and try killing our old narrator, and Lock trying to make her stop. I dunno why she's so mad, I can see why he didn't wanna continue. I mean, I'm here, so it's gonna be annoying, right? So uh, anyways... ASLEF caught a viper yesterday! Lock was pissed off because he's only ever caught adders, but Shock told him to "stop being snarky, it's a bloody cat". I guess cats are actually better hunters than Lock is. He's always told me he's the best hunter in Halloween Town, and he did catch a vulture that one time... wait no no no don't think about that, Barrel! That was all icky and gross! Ugh... so yeah, Lock always says he's the best hunter in town, but ASLEF's actually better than him. I guess maybe he isn't as good as he says he is, but he wouldn't lie to me, so, uh... I dunno.

What else has happened? Oh yeah, Shock roped me into helping her plan her revenge on our old narrator, because she promised me extra candy. She still hasn't given me any, but I stole some of Lock's so I win anyway. Speaking of Lock he left the bathtub out overnight last week. I absolutely pummelled him for that! He isn't stupid enough to leave it out accidentally, so he did it intentionally! I had to de-rust it's legs, and it was full of dirty rainwater! What monster would leave a defenceless bathtub outside all night like that!? Crap, I'm rambling again. Oogie always said I talk too much, and I always got a smack to make me shut up. Lock sometimes does that as well, but it doesn't hurt as much. I mean, Oogie's punishments actually rarely hurt, it was more what he said that hurt. That's why I don't like annoying Shock, she can says some really mean stuff. She's really smart, so that's probably why she's best at insults-

Lock: You dare usurp MY show to call Shock INTELLIGENT?!

Barrel: Time to scram!

Lock: I'm gonna kill ya! Nobody comes on my show and calls Shock smarter than me!

Shock: What's five times two?

Lock: Twelve!

Shock: This. This is the level of intelligence I am stuck with listening to every day.

 **A/N: Another episode focusing on Barrel! I don't feel like he gets as much attention as Lock or Shock, so I like to try and develop his character more. I imagine him as being one to start talking, and then ramble on about five other subjects at once.**

 **Also Trilliumwoods, notice the references to Continuing Adventures? ;)**

 **The ending was a little nod to the South Park movie, because it's still one of the funniest things I've ever seen, besides my brother accidentally glitching out our copy of Luigi's Mansion lol.**

 **Thank you all for reading, reviews are most appreciated, and see you all again soon!**


	6. Intervention

Chapter 6: Intervention

 **A/N: Hey all! Finally, Lock and Barrel confront Shock on her obsession with destroying their old narrator...**

Lock: Hey, Shock? Can you come out of the war room and sit down?

Shock: No.

Barrel: Please?

Shock: ...Okay. What do you want?

Lock: Shock, Barrel and I have been, uh...

Barrel: Freaked out.

Lock: Yeah, freaked out about your... plans.

Shock: What? You mean my plans to kill The Narrator?

Barrel: Yeah, it's pretty disturbing how angry you are at him...

Shock: Says the one who tied Rameses to the town gate and gave him a hacksaw, saying he could only get free if he cut his leg off.

Barrel: Well he called me chubby!

Shock: ...

Lock: ...

Barrel: ...

Lock: Okay, well... this intervention is about Shock, we'll deal with your problems another time...

Barrel: Yeah cool. Anyways, Shock. Stop trying to kill the Narrator, it's getting annoying.

Lock: You always come home late and rarely make us food anymore.

Barrel: We're hungry.

Lock: And bored.

Barrel: And we miss you.

Lock: No we don't!

Barrel: Yes we do.

Lock: Yeah, we do.

Shock: But I hate you guys.

Lock: We hate you too, but we kinda want you back.

Shock: Well, I guess I- wait, are the mikes on?

Barrel: We're broadcasting live!

Lock: The whole town can hear us!

Shock: Oh crap...

 **A/N: Another chapter done! Rameses is the name I give to the mummy boy, given how he doesn't have one. Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, reviews are most appreciated!**


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